thoughts of a butterfly

A few things to report:

2007-06-29T09:37:00.000-07:00

1) My relationship with ginger monkey neice is improving. Until now she has let me hold her for about 2 minutes. However, the other day she REQUESTED that I, Aunty Val, give her a bath. That is a ruddy miracle.

2) The Pickerings are up in Sheffield this week-end and I am planning their tea right now. They are pretty scathing about my lasagnes so have opted for beef burgers and sweet potato wedges. I think they will be suitably impressed.

3) Face book is not so bad after all. Is pretty cool hearing from people you have not seen for years. I have now worked out that when you reply to someone you write it on THEIR wall NOT, as I have been doing, on your own wall.

Well this 'post' is not so interesting. Apologies. I am ruddy knackered. I'm not too sure why.

Love Valerie A x (I have started calling myself Valerie rather than Val just for a bit of interest and variety in life)

2007-06-07T09:03:00.000-07:00

Ruddy heck. I just re-read my last post and point 4 is a bit deep and sounds depressive. Really I think it was due to pmt, that and being an ENFP perhaps. I think really I am fine.

Another list darn it.

2007-06-06T05:48:00.000-07:00

1. Spent last night talking about personalities. I have worked out that I am an ENFP. Since then I have ordered 3 books off Amazon about personality: 'Do what you are', 'Strengths Finder' and 'Nature or Nurture'. WIll review after reading them.

2. Had a week visiting Calne (near Bath), London and Felixstowe (for eccentric uncle's 8oth birthday). Highlights were: a) playing bowls on the green with some elderly gentlemen and Andrew Pickering who is just young b)eating beef and feta cheese stew c)barbeques d) talking to my eccentric uncle. I don't really understand what he's going on about but I like the experience. That reminds me of when I used to hang out a bit with this bloke Nichol who I didn't understand at all. Once I was in a cafe and I had to concentrate so hard on what he was saying that I forgot what I was doing and poured my hot chocolate over the table instead of in to my mouth.

3. Some things I learn't recently are: a) dodos inhabited Maritious, they went extinct when mice and rabbits came along. They couldn't fly and were not eaten. b) flying fish can fly approximately up to the length of a football pitch. They fly away from enemies such as porpoises. (what I learn't from the Horniman museum, London)

4. I feel empty and kind of pointless. It's not so cool and I don't know why it is. Maybe all will become clear one day and I will feel full of life and with point and purpose. I think that would be nice.

And so goodbye. Love Valx

Things of slight interest:

2007-05-09T03:42:00.000-07:00

1. I have a new little monkey...this time it is a boy..so I have a new little slightly ginger monkey nephew.
2. I am currently dying a jacket from grey to black (man that's not even slightly interesting).
3. I am now 31 but still, I think, look 25..that's what Joy French told me anyway. I think it could be cos I have no kids. But I do have some eye wrinkles. I reckon they developed due to teaching Y5 because they appeared at Xmas and at that time Y5 were stressing me out.
4. I cycled/ran 10 miles on Sunday.
5. I went to two of the worst bars in Sheffield on Monday night...Bar Vodka and Bar Ruby. I do not recommend you go. It was a cool evening despite the venues.
6. I love...friends, monkeys, life (although at the same time it is SO painful. MAN I hope this 3 year old girl in Portugal is still alive. Please Lord. Save her life).

Love valxx

2007-04-09T06:50:00.000-07:00

Take this test to see how well you know me. Click on:
http://www.testriffic.com/friendtest/3079185

love valx

2007-03-07T14:52:00.000-08:00

I feel like I've made it- the minester's wife reads my blog (see comment on the post below). I make her smile and sometimes laugh. Praise Jesus! (by the way I am not being sarcastic I seriously feel proud). Valx

2007-03-05T11:51:00.000-08:00

Man, I had such a wicked weekend. These are the reasons:
1) I went to France for Julie's wedding.
2) I spoke French (even managed to have a conversation about God and the devil).
3) I met some interesting, handsome, fun french people.
4) I saw my monkey neice (who I love dearly), older sister (ditto), younger sister (ditto), brother-in-law (who is about 85 percent funny), my mother (who is a funny old stick and I love dearly), my dad (who is a quirky man who I love dearly), and a girl I last met when I was 15.
5) God lifted me out of a pit.
...and these are the reasons I had such a wicked weeked..but now I have some work to do which is not so good.

love valx

2007-02-11T12:06:00.000-08:00

I have NO COMMENTS
I have NO COMMENTS
I have NO COMMENTS
I have NO COMMENTS

gutted

(but yours could be the first)

2007-01-26T07:23:00.000-08:00

Some how I managed to delete my last post and I am gutted because I had 14 comments (that made me laugh out loud ant clifford thanks!).
Oh dear where did my post and my comments go? That is like a right mystery.
Valx

A few things of some interest

2007-01-21T12:02:00.000-08:00

1. I have not been bored all weekend. Hurrah!
2. I am addicted to the O.C again even though I thought series 3 was gonna be rubbish. The last thing I did before I went to bed last night was watch the O.C. The first thing I did this morning was watch the O.C. Flipping heck. I think I need to give it up for a bit!
3. I have got 'Who wants to be a millionaire' on my phone. It cost 49p for 3 days.
4. I ate Spicey been soup for tea. I highly recommend it. It was from Tescos-2 percent fat costing 50p.
5. I am off to the pub on my own. I have a limited supply of friends. Well actually I think I have quite a lot but I don't know who to ask to the pub. I went on my own the other day and I liked it.

Well these things are hopefully of some interest. Love valx

2007-01-18T14:39:00.000-08:00

Man, I am ruddy bored. Boredom is not good for the soul.

2006-12-24T10:45:00.000-08:00

I read this in a book and found it encouraging:

History is filled with people who are famous for doing great things- yet if we study their lives, we find they failed miserably before they succeeded. A person who refuses to give up will succeed eventually. Consider these examples:
-Henry Ford failed and went broke five times before he succeeded.
-NBA superstar Michael Jordan was once cut from his high school basketball team.
-After his first audition, screen legend Fred Astaire received the following assessment from an MGM executive: "Can't act. Slightly bald. Can dance a little".
-Walt Disney was fired from a newspaper because he lacked ideas. Later, he went bankrupt a few times before he built Disneyland.
-A young Burt Reynolds was once tole he couldn't act. At the same time his pal Clint Eastwood was told he would never make it in the movies because his Adam's apple was too big.

If you don't succeed, Try, Try again.

This is stuff I've been thinking about so I liked it. Love valx

2006-12-15T01:54:00.000-08:00

Things that are COOL:
1) My friend Chedge won a comedy writing competition and her comedy sketches will be on radio 4. She won out of 2200 people. She is a dude.

2) I made 27 mince pies last night and they taste nice.

3) My friend Julie, a french girl, is getting married.

4) I bought my neice a fairy outfit for Christmas. It was only £6 from Asda which is pretty darn good.

Happy Christmas..I hope for peace and joy for you this Christmas and I hope that this new year of life (2007) brings forth GOOD things and miracles from God.........love valxxx

2006-11-22T23:58:00.000-08:00

I am happy. Teaching has been a nightmare recently-the kids behaviour has been rubbish and I have been feeling rubbish about myself as a teacher - then yesterday the teaching assistant said she'd noticed a significant change in the kids behaviour ( the kids are seeing me as 'authority' and and there is a totally different atmosphere in the classroom). Praise the lord for this breakthrough. It is wicked.

2006-10-23T05:36:00.000-07:00

Life has felt flipping hard recently..teaching has been getting me down because of the behaviour and yet I so want to succeed at it.

On a lighter note I am with the Pickerings at the moment and we are going to the Horneyman museum which should be interesting. Also, I saw my monkey neice on Friday and I have noticed her hair is now more strawberry blonde than ginger. I love her. On Saturday evening I went to see Evita in London with my dad. It was wicked. I loved it. 20 years ago I played one of the children in it. That was such an amazing experience. I can't believe 20 years have passed since then.

I am enjoying half term.

Love Valx

2006-10-20T11:40:00.000-07:00

Man, Life feels so hard at the moment like I'm trudging through thick treacle and it feels emotional. I am struggling with teaching and yet I so want to be a success.......................

On a happier note I am with my little m0nkey neice (she is more strawberry blonde these days than a ginger head). She knows what Jesus, sheep,whales and fish look like. She is a clever stick.

2006-10-09T14:40:00.001-07:00

Things I am thinking:
1) I need the Lord. He gives me purpose and perspective and peace if I ask Him for these things. And I am asking.
2) I love the people in my life. They are darn good. Some are funny. Some are not so funny. Most, if not all, are interesting.
3) I am feeling mentally tired from thinking about teaching and how to be a good teacher and feeling pressure in my job.
4) I need more fun I think. Fun is good. I like light heartedness.

2006-10-09T14:40:00.000-07:00

2006-09-30T06:30:00.000-07:00

Some things that I like in this world:
1) Sisters. They are so cool. They are pretty funny. They are a little ginger. They lose things such as money and run out of things such as petrol. But I love my sisters man.
2) My ginger monkey neice. And one day there will be another little monkey.
3) Friends and aquaintances because I like how each person you know enhances your life in some way or another.
4) Drawing. I have started a drawing class and yesterday I drew some apples. I like the people too. There are some interesting characters.
5) Teaching. It is not boring. But I am sorry as this blog entry is, I think, a little boring and I am in fact a little bored as I write it.

Love valx

2006-08-30T09:15:00.000-07:00

Please can someone comment on my blog. I am a needy individual with darn bad p.m.t and a comment (if it was nice or of interest) would help me to smile. love valx

2006-08-29T02:41:00.000-07:00

Edinbrough festival was flipping amazing. I loved it. Me and Chedge went to see 6 comedy shows. I especially loved:
1) Cowards: 4 man sketch shows with a bloke called Tim Key we knew from university.
2) John Hegley: Andy Pickering's favourite poet. He spoke to me and asked me my favourite bit.
3) Mark Watson: this bloke who is from Bristol but has a welsh accent. V hilarious indeed.
4) Demetri Martin: V sereal and quirky and funny. I said to him "I think you're funny". He said "thanks dude".

Go to Edinbrough festival next year if you can. It was the highlight of my summer.

love valx

2006-08-20T01:03:00.000-07:00

The summer holidays (altho not too summery) turned out to be cool so far and have involved: hanging out in Sheffield, Bedford (with parents and dog), London (with Kate,andy,Jen,Hu,Chedge), New Malden (with sisters,husbands,monkey neice, friends Mouche and Kai,Kate and Andy) and cycling in France (with Nikki Shaill and many interesting and some strange people). Next i go to Edinborough fesitival for 3 days and perhaps Green Belt for 1 day.

Interesting happenings this Summer:
1) Seeing Bethy Hope the ginger monkey neice. She cracks me up. She is well hyper active and always on the move...the longest she has let me hold her for is 37 seconds (seriously). She can walk and say "Amber (parent's dog's name), mamma, dadda, moo" and some other things. She is 1 year old and is a clever old stick.
2. Cycling over 150 miles in one week.
3. Being asked to be Ali's bridesmaid and then bidding for a bridesmaid dress on e.bay. I have never used e.bay before now. It is fun but not so good on your finances.
4. Wearing my bikini in Sheffield town centre..this felt a bit strange (took the neighbours to the peace gardens and ran through the fountain).
5. Decorating my parent's spare room to earn some extra money.
6. Watching the Big Brother final. It is perhaps pointless but for some reason I like watching reality t.v. I am possibly a sad individual.

Lots of love valx

2006-07-24T03:33:00.000-07:00

I have 6 weeks holiday (as I'm a teacher)..have a few ideas of what to do...But need a bit of inspiration...Anyone know of any holiday type things where you meet lots of poeple, maybe do a bit of work or interesting things rather than lying by a beach? ? love val

A song for Kate and Andy

2006-07-24T03:27:00.000-07:00

Kate and Andy off to London town without me but I'll be fine,
Kate and Andy off to London town without me but I'll be fine.

But I won't have much money cos they buy drinks for me all the time,
and I'll always be late without Kate telling me to be on time,
But I'll be fine.

Kate and Andy off to London town where the streets are paved with gold,
Kate and Andy off to London town where it's warm so I've been told.

Oh what will i do without those two cooking for me?,
and where will I go on Friday night? I don't know,
But I'll be fine, yes I'll be fine, oh yes I will, I'll be fine.

A few things of slight interest

2006-07-07T08:19:00.000-07:00

1. Ruddy heck..I have a job...starting in September..till March..teaching 3 days a week.. year 5.. children with English as a second language. That means I have 2 days to plan/ do supply teaching/ something new? and 3 days with my own class. Thank you Lord.. altho I am a bit shit scared (sorry to say shit but better to be honest about my feelings than to withold the truth).

2. 'Butterfly' in Spanish is 'Una mariposa'. Phil Tobler texted me this information today and I like it!

3. I had dinner with Rachel Hall, a few others and a boy with toothpaste on his face. I felt quite ill at the sight to be honest.

2006-07-03T08:14:00.000-07:00

Here are some things that amused me in recent times:
1) Kate P showed me a letter I wrote to her when I was 14. It included the following:
"It was very windy yesterday but luckily I didn't blow away"
"I jumped off my roof yesterday but fortunately I didn't die"
"Surprisingly my neighbour's dog has grown another tail"
Man, I was so weird. These comments were supposed to be 'jokes'. I'd say my jokes have improved quite a bit since then.
2) Not a lot else as I am still maybe a bit down in the dumps. But today we are having a clothes auction to raise money for cancer research and maybe something else which is a good thing I reckon.
love v

2006-06-23T07:40:00.000-07:00

Haven't been able to post for a while cos I forgot my darn password..that is what turning 30 does to you I think. Here are some things I am thinking:
1) I really would like a job..have had one darn rubbish interview and no others as yet. If you have the faith please could u pray 4 the right job for me.
2) I really would like my brother-in-law Kenny to get a job...he has had a few darn interviews but nothing has come of them. If you have the faith please could you pray for the right job for him.
3) I would really like Dan Cooper to get healed. If you have faith lets darn pray for him.
4) I find it hard that people die of cancer and get all sorts of crap in their lives.Darn it all.
5) I am a little down in the dumps re. the above things.
6) Oops..what a depressing post. The next one, I think, will be a lot more happy.
love valx

2006-05-19T04:28:00.000-07:00

Well Jen and Hugh have upped and gone and I am in grieving. Man, life is quite painful sometimes but other times it is painfree. I guess it makes things more interesting. love valxx

2006-05-07T08:29:00.000-07:00

My best friends are off to live in London. I will be alone, alone like a ship in the ocean.
P.S: Well done Pickers...remember me when you are famous.

2006-05-02T08:21:00.000-07:00

1. Flip, I am now 30. Our party was the best party I have ever been too. It was flipping amazing. My enjoyment may have been enhanced by the glasses of red wine I drank but I am pretty sure it was wicked. I am however, a little annoyed that I said 'shit' in to the microphone 3 times as I had been telling people I've given up swearing.

2. I went to Alex and Charis' wedding yesterday. It was v cool but am annoyed that I owe Nikki Foot £10..the reason for this is I bet her £10 I would'nt cry during the wedding. The problem is it was all so flipping moving and unfortunately she noticed a tear rolling down my face. Darn it.

Why the heck?

2006-04-03T16:37:00.000-07:00

Man it is almost 1 o'clock in the morning. Why the heck am I still up? and why the heck am I on the internet? and why the heck am I not in my own house? I am a flipping loon.

2006-03-30T07:38:00.000-08:00

FOUR JOBS I'VE HAD1. Acted and sang in Evita in London..my first earnings and by far the best job I ever had. Man, it was wicked. 2. Was a tour guide for new students in Sheffield: I liked this job as I cracked a few jokes which made a few people laugh. 3. Silver service waitress: I got this job through an agency.They asked me if I'd done silver service before (which I hadn't) and I said yes as I didn't really know what it was. Had to waitress at a wedding. Was a ruddy nightmare. 4. Telesales job: I walked out of this job as they made me lie...the boss followed me down the stairs and pleaded with me to stay. I said "no, get stuffed". It felt good.
MOVIES/SHOWS I'VE BEEN ADDICTED TO:1. The O.C...although Dan Cooper or even Rachel Hall are way more addicted than me 2. Garden State: this, I think, is my favourite film. 3. Neighbours: I was in love with Jason Donavon and deep down I feel he loved me too. 4. Anne of Green Gabels: Man, I love Anne of Green Gables.
FOUR PLACES I'VE LIVED:1. In a YMCA with a few drug addicts, spiritualists etc. I was pretty scared, man. 2. In about 10 different houses in Sheffield and have had all sorts of random house mates (but ruddy amazing ones too). 3. In Hollywood hospital on sunset Boulevard where I was born 4. My parent's roof: I didn't live here but I often slept here.
FOUR POPULAR FALSE ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT ME:1. I'm random. 2. I lose all things (according to Kate Pickering) .This is not true... today I lost nothing. 3. I am deep. I am not: I am also shallow. 4. I always cook lasagne (according to Kate and Andrew). No, I have cooked many other things such as sausages.
FOUR PEOPLE I LOOK LIKE:1. An animal out of madagasca (according to a kid at school), 2. Bill Murray??? Seriously. Someone said that. I was quite pleased. 3. My sisters and my neice. This pleases me. My sisters are ruddy beautiful and my neice looks like a ginger monkey. 4. A new born baby. Once I woke up and my sister said "Man, you look like you've just been born'. That was a kinda weird thing to say and I was not too happy as I think new born babies look like squashed aliens.

This was sent to me by Naomi Hill. I'm not sure why but I thought I'd fill it in. Love valxx

2006-03-27T05:45:00.000-08:00

'There is a difference between happiness and joy. Happiness is caused by things which happen around us, and circumstances will mar it, but joy flows right through trouble; joy flows on through the dark; joys flows in the night as well as in the day; joy flows through persecution and opposition; it is an unceasing fountain bubbling up in the heart; a secret spring............' (L. Moody).

I read this today and I rather liked it. love vxx

2006-03-18T09:06:00.000-08:00

My beautiful friend Jo Mortimer passed away on Tuesday after a year long fight against lung cancer. She will be so missed on this earth but heaven will be a better place for her being there. God please be close to her family, boyfriend and friends. Love valxx

2006-03-02T08:19:00.000-08:00

I bought three 'I wonder why?' books (kid's books but I learn't a few things too). Here are some of the coolest 'I wonder whys?':

Why are flamingo's pink? Flamingoes take their pink colour from their favourite food- shrimps. If these leggy birds don't get enough shrimps to eat, they turn a dull grey.

Which fish can climb trees? The last place you'd expect to see a fish is up a tree- but then the mudskipper is a very odd fish! It climbs with its leg-like fins, clinging on with a sort of suction cup on its belly.

Which animal uses its finger as a fork? A strange monkey-like animal called an aye-aye has one very long finger on each hand. It uses these spindly fingers to poke under tree bark for grubs and insects to eat. Then it skewers them, using its fingers a bit like you would use a fork.

Super animal facts. I like them. Love valx

2006-02-27T02:44:00.000-08:00

Crazy things:
1) I have signed up for the half marathon. At the weekend I ran 7 miles...that's the farthest I've ever run and I nearly passed out.
2) Rachel Hall told me her mother gave her a blue plastic bird bath for her birthday. That is a pretty unusual present I'd say.
3) I asked the kids at school a) what animal and b) what flavour ice-cream they would be. There were some pretty crazy answers- one boy's answers were rather aggressive e.g. "I would be poison flavoured ice-cream so I could kill people". Nice.

love valx

Things that have made me say 'man', 'darn it' or 'ruddy heck' this week

2006-02-15T14:20:00.000-08:00

1. Setting a tea towel on fire whilst cooking lasagne.
2. Doing my back in by picking up my baby neice.
3. Thinking there was a burglar in Catthers and Rach Hall's house because I heard a noise in their dining room..which resulted in me panicking and pushing Rachel Hall out of the front door, along the alleyway, and on to the pavement. She was like "what on earth are you doing?". I was like "I'm saving you from a burglar". She was like "no, that noise was the dvd player falling off the shelf because you tripped over the wire on your way down the stairs". Oops.. she now has a few cuts and bruises on her legs. I think I have an overly active imagination.

2006-02-10T07:58:00.000-08:00

Please pray (again if already have) for my friend JO MORTIMER who has lung cancer and worried disease progressing too fast and won't be able to do next bit if her drug trial. Thank you. love valx

2006-01-28T04:13:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I taught year 1. At registration one little boy looked v excited and said "I think I know you I've seen you on Madagasca". That was a pretty weird thing to say as apparently Madagasca is a cartoon and the characters are animals. love valx (man kids are way funny)

2006-01-26T06:30:00.000-08:00

I well like being a teacher (although i totally want something permanent rather than supplying any longer). These stories about teaching made me smile (I reckon from now on I'm gonna keep a record of all the funny things kids say when I teach them):

1. Some family acts are hard to follow. When Maria Taft daughter of William Howard Taft III, was a shy schoolgirl, she was asked by her teacher to write a brief family history. After much consideration she wrote her report. It read: "My great-grandfather was president of the United States. My grandfather was a senator from Ohio. My father is ambassador to Ireland. I am a Brownie."

2. Having a few extra minutes one day, I asked my first-grader to write their numbers as far as they could without looking (ie: referring to a number chart on the board). As I was monitoring their progress, I noticed one student had her head down on her desk. As I approached her, I saw that her eyes were closed and she was writing her numbers without looking (C.P, Picher)

3. At the begining of the year, I have my first years learn their name, age and eye-colour. When I come to eye colour, I tell them to write the name of their colour by finding the crayon that matches their eyes. As I was checking what each child wrote, I noted that one child had written "eye colour: crayola." (S.M, Norman)

4. My first year was talking about the recent fire in his school. "I knew it was going to happen," he said. "We had been practising for it all year."

5. In the Autumn, the children had planted some flower bulbs outside the school. One morning in the spring a very special pupil asked, "When are we going to dig up the lights we planted?"

6. One day during the school year I needed to take time off. I arranged for a substitute teacher to cover my reception class. When I returned to school the following day, one of my pupils came to me and said "Miss Young, don't ever get that prostitute again. She was terrible!"

7. A reception teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's artwork. As she got to one girl who was working diligently she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said "but no one knows what God looked like." Without missing a beat or looking up from her drawing , the girl replied "they will in a minute."

2006-01-19T07:23:00.000-08:00

Please pray for my friend Jo Mortimer who has lung cancer. She has tumours both in her lungs and bones. Please pray God will save her life. Love valx

2006-01-17T10:08:00.000-08:00

1. Felt rather affirmed at church on Sunday for the following reasons a) Matt Rutter said he found me pretty funny b) Andy Swan said he thought I had journalistic abilities c) Nikki Shail said I looked nice in hooped ear-rings.

2. Played Balderdash on Sunday. I am not so good. For example, my definition for the film 'Big operator' was 'A phone operator falls in love with a till operator' and fooled absolutely no-one. Instead it caused people to crack up and say "well that one was definitely Vals". Gutted in the head.

3. Have given up the O.C again.

love valx

2006-01-06T09:39:00.000-08:00

By the way I'm sorry that the last story on my blog was in fact a bit crap..Well to me I find it funny but others with more advanced humour than myself may not appreciate it.

I have found a way to make myself happy if I am feeling down..All I do is a bit of fake laughing. I discovered this technique when in France. Some, such as Robin (Bea and Andy's wee ginger son) were amused by it. Others were a little disturbed. Love Valxx

2005-12-27T13:56:00.000-08:00

This made me laugh:
Rae my sister who is recently married was cutting some cheese and managed to cut her finger. Chris her new husband panicked and was like "Rae, I don't know what to do in this situation..tell me what to do."(she is the medical one). So she said "get a j-cloth". So he got one and said "now what?". So Rae said "dampen it". Chris, still panicking missheard her and thought she said "stamp on it" which does sound a bit like 'dampen it'. He thought this was a bit strange but then, she's the medical one so he dropped the j-cloth to the floor and started stamping on it. Rae was like "Chris what are you doing?". He answered "well you told me to stamp on it". That is way classic and it makes me laugh a lot. I like it a lot.
Off to France tomorrow. Love valx

2005-12-24T10:07:00.000-08:00

Me and Rach were moaning the other day..we were mainly saying that when you go to your parent's home for Christmas and you are not married (yet..please dear God!) you can get treated as if you are still like about 10 years old and like you are a second class citizen.. having to sleep on the floor rather than in a bed etc..But then we each had to say 3 positive things about Christmas to make up for being self-pitying moaners. Here are my three:
1) bread source..it is very nice indeed.
2) The warm feeling I have inside when I see christmas lights, people smiling, a small child playing with wrapping paper, father Christmas in his sleigh and baby Jesus lying in the manger.
3) Christmas is when we celebrate Jesus coming in to the world which was a good thing I reckon.

And so a happy Christmas from me and joy to the world. Love val austenioxx

2005-12-12T06:55:00.000-08:00

1) Today I'm feeling a little disturbed as I keep having flash backs of the picture Dan Cooper showed me on his phone. Maaan!

2) I am also rather disturbed that i didn't 'get' the last episode of the O.C...I thought Seth was going out on a boat trip to clear his head...in fact he was leaving his family and Summer cos he couldn't handle Ryan leaving. Man I must be a little thick!

3) I like to eat mince pies. Unfortunately I ate 7 yesterday which is not so good for the figure. Especially at this stage of life.

Love Val.

2005-11-30T14:20:00.000-08:00

1) Man, the O.C is back in my life and is so flipping addictive. Have had it back 40 hours and already watched 4 episodes.

2) I well like reading the Guardian week-end magasine. Read it last night and discovered:
a) Bill Patterson's (Scottish actor) most overused phrase is "hello you old bean". I think I'd like to adopt this phrase cos it's quite cool but maybe people will feel a bit gutted at being called old??
b) In certain native tribes the penis (as well as 10 fingers) in used for counting(Is that for serous of what?).
c) You can buy microwavable bras.

3) Am feeling a bit sad that Nikki B my housemate is off to China for 3 weeks. Will miss drinking red wine with her plus, I like her a lot.

4) Feel like my faith is rising. That can only be a good thing. Praise the Lord.

love valx

2005-11-28T05:12:00.000-08:00

1. Man, it is snowing outside..what a joy.
2. Wicked..I prayed this morning that I'd feel encouraged as a teacher... then today the deputy head at the school I often work at told me I'd done a lot for the school (Flip..I hope she meant a lot of good and not a lot of bad).
3. Enjoyed singing last night. Thank you Lord that you gave me the gift of singing. I think I like it.
4. If your feet are cold you can buy some well warm and cosy pink or stripey bed socks from Primark for 2 pounds.
5. Darn it...I need some gloves..I bought some the other day and when I got home I discovered they are both right hand gloves which is not so good for my left hand.
6. Please pray for Jo Mortimer..cos she has lung cancer and the tumours in her lungs are bigger and she has tumours all through her skeleton. Please pray whatever God gives you faith for.

Things I am thankful for............

2005-11-16T09:04:00.000-08:00

1. Where I am living as a) it is free b) I am living with Al and Nick B and I love them both c) It is creative d) it is spacious. For the time I spend in this house I am thankful.

2. Our Christmas party..it was way cool and an answer to prayer as we prayed for a party full of people and joy and there were both. There was also a Christmas quiz with a prize which Jase, Andrew, Hu and Ben won...they are indeed clever but they were a bit too noisy when I was reading out the questions.

3. People... I love a lot of them but maybe not all.

I now am going to go and chill...man I am well excited about doing nothing this eve (apart from a bit of practise for a jazz gig on saturday eve...that is another thing I am thankful for cos I love singing and playing the guitar)
love val austx

The 5 things I missed off that I am thinking...

2005-11-10T09:57:00.000-08:00

6. Man, I am going to be 30 this year.....that is on my mind a lot and it freaks me out somewhat. I have been wondering how long I'll be around on this earth for and I guess I am hoping it will be a long time. I think the best thing is to make the most of everyday and stop thinking so flipping much.

7. I like having people around..Last night I cooked lasagne for 4 friends and then we sang some songs (Kate and Andy are pretty scathing about the fact that I always make lasagne when I have people round but I think it is one of the wickedest meals. I used to eat it every day at school and then I got a bit fat so had to stop).

8. I am a strong, confident, 'gingerish' woman (people often think of me as having ginger hair but I don't I have brownish hair and gingerish skin)I am trying to believe with all my might.

9. Autumn is rather dark and some people feel sad at this time of the year. I think it's a time when God strips stuff away from us. That is like a tree in Autumn when all the leaves fall off and you can see it's trunk which stands strong and it is rooted in the ground. You see that is like us we are stripped of things and that is painful but if we are strongly rooted in God we won't fall...we will be strong!

10. I am in a deep and thoughtful frame of mind today which is reflected in these rather deep and not funny postings. I think I need to laugh ( I did laugh the other day tho' when me and my house mate played a 'smelling' game when we each had to find 1) a thing that smells nice 2)a thing that smells ok and 3) a thing that smells bad. It was an interesting and fun game which I enjoyed but it was over a bit too quick).

love val austeni

10 things I am/have been thinking about:

2005-11-02T06:55:00.000-08:00

1) Have been thinking quite a bit about the fact that God made me (knitted me together in my mother's womb) because he decided he wanted me on this earth. I am interested to know why he wanted me here. I think I will start asking him.

2) I have been thinking that I haven't missed the O.C since I lent it to Mr Coops (causing him to form an O.C addiction). Giving up the O.C has been v positive cos instead I have prayed/ thought and painted.

3) How weird are toliets? That's what I was thinking last night before I went to bed.

4) I would like a) a more permanent job b) a new friend and c) absolutely loads of HOPE. Those are my current desires.

5) I love most people. (that reminds me of an interview with Mariah Cairey when she said "I love people, I love shoes......." in the same breath. I found that classic! And that reminds me of when I said to Kate P. "Would you prefer a pair of shoes or a baby?" and she couldn't quite decide between the two.... I have been made aware that what I actually said was "would you prever a van load of babies or a pair of shoes?...I guess this is actually quite different and a lot harder to decide between.)

2005-10-25T08:53:00.000-07:00

Man, I keep doing well spaced out kinda things at the mo. The other day I got some money (notes) out the bank to pay back a friend what I owed him. Then I drove to his house, pulled out of my purse what I thought was the money and put it in an envelope and posted it through the door (please note..it was dark and I couldn't see anything clearly). Later he phoned me to ask why I'd posted a load of receipts through his door. Man, what a flipping loon... I'd put the money in my pocket and instead of pulling out money from my purse I took out a load of receipts from the shopping i'd done that day. I fear I might be losing it! Love valx

2005-10-11T09:11:00.000-07:00

By the way if anyone reads Andy and Bea's blog...Andy Swan does not have a fiance (yet). I was reading their blog the other day and read a bit which said how Andy Swan and his fiance Jane babysat for them and I thought 'man, I didn't know Andy Swan was engaged I better get him a card'. So I went round and presented him with a card and congratulated him on his recent engagement. Turns out he's not engaged.Luckily he was rather amused by the mistake (which was caused by Andy Marshall asuming that they were engaged).

2005-10-11T09:08:00.000-07:00

After one week of downess I am now happy again and I don't even know why. Man, the complexity of being a human being. Love valx

2005-10-04T08:58:00.000-07:00

Man, I am well down in the dumps. How many days did that take for me to go from being way high to way low? That is the joy of being me. Love valx

2005-09-30T07:58:00.000-07:00

Nothing much to say but, I am darn happy. However, being such an up and down person I do wonder how long my darn happiness will last until I am darn unhappy. That is the joy of being me.. Valerie Jane Austen.

Things that make me say 'ruddy heck'!

2005-09-08T01:02:00.000-07:00

1) The fact that my sister, who is 8 years younger than me, is getting married in 1 week.
2) The fact that I have decided to move house..again. Then I remember I don't like change.
3) The fact that I was sitting on a bench in a french park and got chatted up 3 times by v strange french men.
4) The fact that I am 29 years old. Man, that freaks me out.
5) The fact that I feel so blessed by having wicked friends.

memorable moments from the summer.

2005-09-08T00:29:00.000-07:00

1) Sleeping out under the stars on the beach.
2) Getting into the semi finals in the 'spring harvest' table tennis tournament.
3) Dressing up as a dore mouse at the 'D' party.
4) Being asked if I was about 16 and still at school.
5) In Corsica..men in balaclavas surrounding our car (v. v. scarey).

Am now in London. Has been a v. cool summer.

love valx

Last day

2005-08-29T09:05:00.000-07:00

Last day in France and, what do you know, it ended up being a cool (and v challenging) time. Wicked! Today I think my face is looking pretty red though. Love valx

P.S Tomorrow I'm off to Corsica.

2005-08-13T02:44:00.000-07:00

I reckon things in France are going a lot better. But I am amazed that I still have the same darn insecurities that I had five years ago. What do you reckon...does God set us free from them or will we always have them? At the risk of sounding too deep, they are darn painful if you ask me. Love valx
P.S I think God is using me to speak and pray with the young people here..that is a good thing. I love them in fact.
P.P.S Still not sure where living in sep. Is anyone doing a commune thing?

2005-08-03T07:16:00.000-07:00

Please pray for me as I having quite a ruddy hard time here in France.

More bullet points

2005-07-18T12:14:00.000-07:00

To continue using bullet points:
1) In answer to Dan Coopers questions: the dodgy old man had black pants and followed me and rach for about 40 mins.I was quite scared and suggested hiding under a bridge. Rach Rook wasn't scared at all and said we could easily beat him up as he looked skinny and weedy and we, on the other hand, are rather muscley.
2) I have a love bite on my right arm....it was given to me by my 4 week old neice as she mistook my arm for a milk container and sucked on it for about half an hour. It was quite painful but it stopped her crying.
3) I worked in a nursey today which nearly sent me to sleep. However, there was a very cute 4 year old boy and instead of singing nursery rhymes he wanted to sing a rap song so I let him. It was quite funny hearing 'Insy winsy spider' and then a small boy rapping.
3) I have just eaten fish and chips with Nik, Han, Han's mum and Lorraine. They were rather nice and cost me nothing. It is nice when people buy you things.

2005-07-15T12:51:00.000-07:00

Bullet point form:
1.Hmmmm. Still not sure where I will live in September and have 2 weeks to find out. So If there is any insprirational ideas that would be nice then let me know although I do have an option or maybe 2.

2. I love my kids that I teach...they are SO wicked I can't believe I am so lucky to teach them.

3. I am seeing little ginger monkey tommorrow.

4. I went swimming in a river yesterday and got followed by a dodgy old man wearing underpants.

5. Life, it is pretty darn wicked. We are lucky to live it. On the other hand, it can be ruddy depressing at times.

Love VALxx

A little ginger miraclex

2005-06-18T12:24:00.000-07:00

Am currently with Bethany Hope..she is a darn beauty. Still monkey like with spikey ginger hair. A little miracle.
Man, God was so clever and weird to have designed breasts to also be milk containers. Flipping crazy.
(please note: I was not breast feeding my neice..my sister was feeding her and I was with them at the time: see Dan's comment.)
love valx

A wee little ginger baby.

2005-06-14T07:50:00.000-07:00

I have a baby in my life.. she is called Bethany Hope. She has spikey ginger hair and looks slightly like a monkey. I love her and yet she doesn't even have a personality yet. Crazy. love valx
(P.S: obviously, she's not mine..I am the aunty which is, in itself, a significant role altho' I'm not entirely sure what it involves as have only been an aunty for one week. Any advice would be appreciated).

Any ideas?

2005-06-03T03:48:00.000-07:00

So that mastersun thing didn't happen. Does anyone kno of anything similar ie: where you do kids or youth work (or interesting stuff) abroad (or in England) and don't have to pay to do it?!
Love valxx

2005-05-12T09:51:00.000-07:00

Just had an interview for Mastersun holidays to do youth work in Italy for a month. I don't usually do this but, I didn't prepare at all for the interview as thought that way God would have to get it for me if it was a cool thing for me to do (as I'm not that sure.)..... think I was a bit inspired by my friend Al who never prepares for interviews...She once got a job by giving these responses:
Interviewer (Arab man): "So why do you want this job teaching forigners English?"
Ali: "Uh, because I've got a real heart for kids in this area and i'll be able to see them after work"
Interview (Arab man): "Ah right, so do you think you'll be good at teaching English?"
Ali: "Nah, not really".
Interviewer: "Ah right. will you be able to start on Monday?"

However, I really hated the ruddy interview. Made me feel really vulnerable cos I felt like they were judging my character and relationship with God (I guess they were as that's what an interview's about). Realised I still have darn insecurities about being rejected as I have definitely been rejected in the past. Darn it all. Oh well, I think I'm pretty cool, especially since God invented me. I guess I should laugh in the face of rejection. love valx
(pretty deep blog today. Haven't thought many deep thoughts for a while. Hopefully won't think any deep thoughts for a while now. I prefer shallow ones about the OC or shopping or trees etc)

Life is sometimes amusing

2005-05-09T12:01:00.000-07:00

Life sometimes amuses me. Yesterday I was amused that we got beat 16/0 at football. Today I was amused that I spent half an hour of my day getting my class of 30 kids to line up in a straight line and then marching them round the school in silence. Suddenly I took a step back and thought, man, if some of my friends saw me they'd crack up laughing. love val de rie a.

2005-05-08T04:26:00.000-07:00

Just thinking about where I should live next academic year..in about august or september. I have some options. Just wondered if there are other options I haven't heard about.. and any people that I could live with in a very easy and fun way. valerie jane austen.

2005-05-08T04:20:00.000-07:00

I am liking this feeling of peace and some joy that I have today. I think maybe I have been synical about God for quite some time. Now I feel different. I'm liking it. love val austeniox

Hi

2005-04-11T11:25:00.000-07:00

Hi! love valx
(thought I'd better update my blog as alex told me I hadn't written anything recently.That is all I could think of for now.My brain is wasted.)

highlights of my week...

2005-03-12T16:42:00.000-08:00

Highlights of my week:
a) Being with my sister whom I love.We got on well apart from when we argued as she wanted to talk on the phone whilst I was watching fame academy (darn it...I know you all think I'm sad but I think it was an entertaining programme and was for a good cause and I liked Reggie and Ade Edminson)
b) Making it through a whole day of teaching a v challenging class at a rough school.Was v proud of myself as apparently most supply teachers only make it to lunch time and then refuse to keep teaching them.Even got a card from one of the kids saying I was the 'best teacher'. Wondered if this was cos I told the class letters would be sent to their parents about their behaviour.
c)Scoring a goal in football.
d)Being told I have similarities to a famous model (will not reveal which one as I have since looked in the mirror and found I look nothing like her and realise the girl who thought this is a bit crazy in her head).
e)Being kissed on the cheek by Andrew's slightly drunk brother (well, it always nice to recieve affection even if it is from a drunk man)
and now I will sleep. love valx

2005-03-12T16:02:00.000-08:00

My body is tired but my mind is active.That is why I am writing. My fingers are typing what my mind is thinking. I am thinking that it is amazing how our brains works.In fact it blows me away. Our brains are ruddy amazing.
Had a trip to London to 2 talks by a bloke who runs MOOT in Ireland.(a community of searching for God). I admit that I had to listen really intently as really I am not too interlectual. I admit that some of what was said went totally over my head. But, it did cause me to think about a)what my faith is about b)my relationship with other people on this God journey that I am on. This, I think, is what I think......?? a) I have to hold what I currently believe about God and the bible very lightly so that I am open to being wrong. My beliefs are ever changing and I don't think I'll ever be able to say that I believe something 100 percent b)It is important that I never think I am totally right about a faith/belief issue and think that others on the God journey are wrong. c)Being on this God journey is about continually seeking God. d)For me knowing God is about relationship with him and with others. It is about loving others and serving others and blessing others (man, I am not good at that).
Hmmmmm...not the clearest thoughts but never mind.
love valx

Friday

2005-03-04T08:21:00.000-08:00

Friday is a happy day and i am happy it is friday.I hope that I get to see jen and hugh and alex tonight since I miss these guys and I like the fun. Tommorrow I get to see my sister and feel her baby kick.It is quite bizaree seeing her with a sticking out stomach but I am excited that I will have a little baby to look after and that I will be called 'Auntie Valerie'. When it is born I am planning to send it things through the post every month such as pants and socks and games and things like that. love valx

Things I like a lot

2005-03-02T10:02:00.000-08:00

These are the things I like a lot in life....
a) People....every time i spend time with a person it enhances my life (apart from when I spend time with people who swear at me or similar).
b)Games...I especially like scrabble, trivial pursuits, a game which involves saying words related to a topic such as 'things in your head', a game which involves making up jokes, a game of guessing what pigs are doing.
c)Teaching kids...it's a right lot of fun. I like what they say like: "Do plants have bones?" "Farmers don't like dandelions in their fields cos the animals might step on them". They make me laugh..although when I do laugh I say "I'm not laughing at you..I was just thinking of something funny in my head" (they believe me..phew!)
d)Cleaning houses which are not my own. I like this a lot.It brings me joy.
e)Snowboarding.I am not too good but it feels like I'm darn cool.
f)Doing things which are a little out of the ordinary. I can't think of any examples.
g)Singing songs. Singing is a lovely gift.
Love valx

Purpose

2005-02-18T09:55:00.000-08:00

I was thinking and praying today and then wondering what is my purpose in life? Can anyone remind me as I have seriously forgotten.I think it is to love other people and put them before me which I keep forgetting to do. Hmm I think I need a bit of wisdom as without vision people perish (I hope I don't perish I would not like that). valx

2005-02-16T01:09:00.000-08:00

Darn it I have finished reading 'The beckoning silence' by Joe Simpson.It is so gutting when you are enjoying escaping to another world and then the narrative finishes and there is nothing you can do to get it back.This is what Joe Simpson says about reading:
'There is something about reading that takes you beyond the constrictions of space and time, frees you from the limitations of social interaction and allows you to escape.Whoever you encounter within the pages of a book, whatever lives you vicariously live with them can affect you deeply-entertain you briefly, change you view of the world, open your eyes to a wholly different concept of living and the value of life.Books can be the immortality that some seek;thoughts and words left for future generations to hear from beyond the grave and awaken a memory of another's life'

love valx

thoughts from the mountains

2005-02-16T00:53:00.000-08:00

Lauterbrunan is very beautiful. I recommend it to anyone who likes mountains. I can now snowboard and that will be good for my street cred.There were 3 times as many blokes as girls which was very cool.I was pursued by an 18 year old boy-he thought I was about 20, poor fellow. 18 is too young for me.I liked his comment when he said he doesn't like watching boring programmes like Eastenders, neighbours and the News.Classic comment.I think I pushed myself a lot that holiday-one day I snowboarded from 9am till 8pm because we lost our way.It is amazing what humans are capable of......I am reading 'The Beckoning silence' by Joe Simpson (who wrote 'Touching the void') it is incredible what climbers can achieve and put themselves through.They feel more alive when on the brink of death. Love val

Crackers

2005-01-31T14:36:00.000-08:00

I am going skiing on thursday and I also hope to do a bit of snowboarding. The last time i did this tho I feared I would die.. cos it suddenly dawned on me..what the heck was I doing going down a mountain on a piece of metal? That is really crackers when you stop and think about it. I think many things are crackers especially those things you pull at Christmas (not men by the way). love valx

Things that are currently in my head

2005-01-19T10:40:00.000-08:00

Things that are in my head: A brain, a spinal chord, part of a back bone, a skull, part of a gut, sinuses, eyes, visual pathways that connect to the brain, teeth, a tongue, ears, (for balance and hearing), hearing mechanisms, arteries, veins, nerves, soft tissue, lymph glands, salivary glands.
How does my brain work? There are 2 halves and there are different parts of each hemisphere: bits to control motor function and sensory function, there's a language centre (to do with communiction, frontal lobe (personality: creativity on the left/ right is the interlectual/cognitive/working thins out side), behaviour, right and wrong), all the senses connect in to the brain, hormones, regulation of the body, back of brain to do with balance and co-ordination,
Brain in two halves..connection between interlectual and creativity. Blokes dont have has advanced communication between both sides so cant usually communicate as well as women. Memory: teaching is like, been like, personality. All work together to create the thought..
'The brain is amazing' : it does lots of jobs, creative side trying to work out what's going on.
Physical functions that give us unique personality..thoughts. No part of brain to do with thinking.
Only use 10 percent of our brain.

2005-01-10T10:28:00.000-08:00

I went to see a film called 'Garden state'... it was bloody wicked (the reason I have used the word 'bloody' is cos people have been accusing me that my word: 'ruddy' is a replacement for and as bad as the word 'bloody'. This is not true though I just like the word 'ruddy'.It is cool because it is used to describe someone who is red of face and I am often that. So those accusers, in my eyes are losers). Love from Valerie Austentaciuosx

Something...

2004-12-21T09:51:00.000-08:00

I can never think of anything to write on my blog these days but feel I should write something. I bought a lottery ticket today. It may help towards buying Christmas presents. Love valx

Things/ people/ memories that make me smile and chuckle

2004-11-07T03:18:00.000-08:00

1. Kate Chedge..she is a comedian.
2. Hugh and Alex..they are pretty funny guys and quite strange at times too. They are also getting trendier by the day. Why is that?
3. When I took the register at a school in Broomhall and called a kid 'Forehead' by mistake...it said 'Faheid' and I thought thats how you pronounced it.
4. When Andy Pickering did an improptu striptease at the commune new year party.
5. When I remember back to biblical studies when the lecturer asked me who I thought was the best judge in the bible and I said "Judge dread because he was brave, bold and defeated all evil". How was I to know that the guy sitting next to me- who helpfully whispered the answer to me cos I'd never read the book of Judges -was actually winding me up? How was I to know that Judge dread was infact a cartoon character and not in the bible at all?
6. When Jason went to a jumble sale and a woman said "there you are son, take this bag and take anything you want, don't worry about paying" as she thought he was a homeless man.
7. My dog when he puts a flower pot on his head and runs round the garden. Well, it is quite a sight of hilarity and could make me some money if i videoed it and sent it to the BBC.
Please add any funny stories and things that make you laugh and chuckle in the comments bit as smiling and laughter is very good for the heart and we need to spread happiness in this somewhat dreary world in which we live. Love Val de riex

ruddy heck

2004-10-17T08:13:00.000-07:00

I think I will try to get a balance of shallow and deep thoughts on this blog thing. Today the thoughts in my head are pretty darn deep. Firstly I am thinking that I need more stability in my life. It feels so ruddy unstable because I have moved and because I am doing supply work which is very random. The other thing I am thinking is that I want to have a churchless faith in God. By this I mean that if church wasn't part of my life then I'd still have faith in God..that is, I'd still know He created me, loves me, died for me and is with me. The other thing I am thinking is that I dont really know about God's grace. I think I've been living in fear rather than grace. For example, I think...if I don't tithe then the lord won't bless me, if I muck up in relationships God won't give me another, If I don't go to meetings about the holyspirit I'll never be free, If I don't pray every day I wont be healed. I feel quite released because at the moment I think: I can swear, not tithe, not pray and God will still love me (darn it) plus (I THINK) he'll still be able to work in my life and even bless me. What a ruddy revelation. Love Valx

Thoughts of shallowness

2004-10-13T08:04:00.000-07:00

Hey, I can be shallow. I read Marie Claire and this is what I found out about this seasons fashion:
COLOURS: This season's colours are green (all shades) and plum.
STYLE: The 1970's are the influence this season. That means bold print shirts and flaired denims. Think Margaret Thatcher: pussy bow blouses, tweed pencil skirts, round toe shoes, skinny belts, kirby grips, ribbons, bows and brooches.
FABRICS: This season mix and match fabrics for instance, silk, suede and denim. Tweed is also very big.
HAIR: Think curls.

FASHION TIPS: a) Observe people in magasines who are a similar shape and size to you. What suits them (in terms of style not colour) is likely to suit you. b) Ask Kate pickering for a colour consultation: she will be able to tell you what season you are and what colours will suit your complexion and hair colouring. c) Find a well- dressed lady to date or marry. She will (without you realising) transform your wardrobe. You will go from someone without a clue to a man with style. Think Swan or Stickland. d) Ask a friend to go through your wardrobe with you and tell you honestly what does and doesn't suit you. Chuck away the clothes that do nothing for you away even if that means starting over again and walking aroung in your underwear for a few days. e) If you are a little skint good shops are Hennes and New Look. Here, if you look hard enough you can get some good stuff.

Love from Shallow Valx

Deep and shallow thoughts.

2004-10-11T03:51:00.000-07:00

My head is full of many thoughts. I am thinking what does God want for me? I think it is just to know that He loves me and to understand why He sent Jesus to die for me. I think I have to shut out all the rest for now. The truth that God created me, loves me and sent Jesus to die for me has gotten buried under all the other stuff. How do I make sure I get it this time and that it affects me completely?
I want to be like strong tree with strong roots so that when the storm comes (and darn it..in this life there will be many storms) it doesn't fall.
And that is one of my thoughts. When I read that back I am quite amused at how deep I am. So now for a shallow comment..curly hair is in this season..I read it in Marie Clare and Naomi Fennel told me. I gave my curling tongs to Oxfam. Gutted. Love Valx

thoughts on investing time

2004-10-04T09:24:00.000-07:00

I am thinking what I should invest my time in this year. I am wondering whether I should invest time in music...ie. getting better at playing like the guitar, singing (altho my voice is quite wrecked at the moment cos my vocal chords are a bit mucked up), song writing (I am pretty darn bad at that). Alex thinks I have musical potential and am wasting it. That is something coming from Alex as he is like, I mean, phenominal at music. I just wondered if anyone that reads this blog thing (and I think some people do cos they tell me) could inspire me. Like, is there anyone I know that wants to meet up to somehow improve together or anything cos I am pretty darn rubbish at sitting in my room on my own with a guitar..cos I just get frustrated and also quite bored too. Any ideas?

The sun is shining

2004-10-04T09:07:00.000-07:00

It is sunny out the window, not only that but life is a bit brighter too I think. I am feeling hopeful that my faith will get stronger and I'll be more sure of what I believe one day. I also am feeling hopeful that I will be a bit more like gold after the refining. But it hurts being refined..gutted in the head. On the one hand I wish I hadnt prayed to be refined, on the other hand hopefully it will make me more the girl I was created to be.
I had some wicked parts to my weekend. Catthas gave me some clothes. Wicked..cos it just is. I like Catthas too..she is wicked in many ways. I went out w Alex, Janine (who I think is quite passionate about me) and Charis etc. I like Charis..she is going to find me some jeans.She also had some good stuff to say about God. She is shallow and deep. The chat with Al on Sunday was cool too. He is wise. He is shallow and deep too. They will make a good pair.
Love Valx

Thoughts of life.

2004-10-01T08:49:00.000-07:00

Darn it I am wondering if God is refining me...just like it says in the bible...that He will refine us and make us like Gold..cos I kind of feel like I am in a bit of 'fire'. The thing is I'm sure I've been refined before and why arent I like gold yet and why is it painful and how long will it last? I think God also keeps saying to me: "Know the truth and the truth will set you free?". does that mean keep reading the bible (the truth) and keep knowing Him (cause He's the truth as well) and I will be set free like from fear and the other stuff that holds me back from feeling completely free like a free person. Oh I dunno.

Thoughts from a virus Val

2004-09-27T08:11:00.000-07:00

Monday 27th September 2004-Have just come back from body boarding in Cornwall. But I didn't really body board too much a) because I didn't quite get the hang of it and b)cos I got really ill and shivery and pain in my throat and ears and mouth ulcers and they called me 'Virus Val'. It was a cool time tho because a) I went with sista and Kenny they are fun, non-couply, interesting and talkative b) I met some cool people...Becky: a dude who's interesting, creative, caring. Marius: a photographer. Andy: very amusing and cracked me up for example, by asking a group of surf dudes about 'riding the waves' and 'wafers' (You had to be there to laugh) c) It was just fun. The downside was having a virus meant that I slept more than normal.But luckily there was a pub near to boarding and so I could sit in there, drink bear (altho I dont drink beer I drink coke or orange but drinking beer sounds more surfing-dude like) and fall asleep..and I could also go and watch the boarding. I am now at my sisters and kennys in bedford...I decided I was too ill to drive back and teach tomorrow however I have a feeling I'll be much better by tomorrow and could've easily taught.Oops. I now feel like a slacker. At least It means I have more time with sister and also I am reading the bible as I lie on the sofa which is darn good for me as I am still trying to work out what I believe.It is also a scarey position to be in..as I am thinking am i gonna decide I don't believe?? Help..I don't even get hell and I've been a christian for so long supposedly. I have also been thinking that I am a too negative person who responds negatively in slightly stretching circumstances.I don't like it. Oops that was negative in itself. What I could have thought is that it is positive that I atleast recognise I'm negative as I can retrain myself to be a more positive person. Apoplogies for the entries I've written in this blog that are very negative and tend to look at life in a negative way. Any tips for adopting more positive ways of seeing life? Love virus Valxx

thoughts of someone who is tired

2004-09-19T15:09:00.000-07:00

19th September: Went to church tonight which was good for me. Not really listening to the talk but just being real with God and also being prayed for. It made me feel loads lighter. I think perhaps, although I cant be sure as I am going through an uncertain stage, that God encouraged me to read the whole bible. I think this will help me in my journey. I was thinking that I do have a passion to tell people that God can redeem and heal the shit in their lives but I would like to know what god is saying to them and the bible will be helpful of course. I know I've done biblical studies and also heard loads and loads of preachers but my concentraion span is that bad that I dont recall alot of it. I am also thinking that I miss people that arent in my life anymore and wondering about that.
Hmmm I think my thoughts are a bit all over the place right now.I am quite flipping tired physically, emotionally and spiritually. I think sleep is a good idea. But I do think it's so crazy that we spend 8 hours of everyday in unconciousness and dreaming things that often don't make sense. On that note goodnight and sorry for this crap. Love Val.

more thoughts

2004-09-19T15:06:00.000-07:00

18th September: I wrote an entry last night and it has disappeared. Gutted. Therefore, this entry will include thoughts from last night and tonight. Went to the Ball last night with Andy, Kate, Nikki B and Helen (PGCE friend who is like a blessing to me). I loved this time as I love listening to people talk..it makes me high. I played pool against Helen and then Kate took over from Helen. It lasted 55 minutes in all. It was quite an interesting game that often involved hitting the wrong ball, hitting the white ball into the pocket and not often hitting the right coloured balls into the pockets. On the way home I was thinking that I get high from being with people but the down side is I get low when I am alone. That is why I think having a husband would be like a blessing. I know I will never walk alone.. but to have someone who is human that I could talk to whenever would be rather flipping nice and would kill the loneliness. I wonder if I have missed out. Maybe it is my own fault and the fault of fear. I am not sure on this one at all and I wish it was clear. Too personal I think. I was also thinking that change evokes fear in me. I will have two new house mates in a days time. This kind of change takes so much out of me and does my head in. But I’m sure it will grow me more into the butterfly that God intended me to be.
Tonight I went to the Ball with Helen, Alex, Beely and Carhul. I loved this time too because it made me laugh. I also liked hearing people’s thoughts trying to make sense of life. I was thinking in the pub that my faith feels quite unstable at the moment and instead of feeling sure about God I don’t. I can’t really explain it. Maybe I am on a ‘Val and God’ time when I have to work out on my own what I think and believe because I often go with what others think. I need to trust me more. Or what do I need to do to feel more sure of my faith?... I’m not too sure.
Lastly, I am thinking that I want to bless other people and to pray for them and to give out instead of getting and being self focused which is my natural disposition darn it. I think it would be a lot better. I have lots of other thoughts too. Too many I think. Love val.

Interesting thoughts.

2004-09-19T14:57:00.000-07:00

Darn in the head. I have had to create a new blog as I forgot my user name and password of the other one. So I'll just copy and paste stuff I had written but the comments won't be there anymore.

Ruddy heck I have created a blog. I think I'll use it to write down some of the thoughts that go on in my head and it would be cool to have other people's responses a) because sometimes people say I think in an random/ confusing way and I'd like to know if that is true and b) because it is good to hear other people's points of view other than my accountability partners.
15th Sep: I'm in Toulouse with Julie [French girl who came to Sheffield for a year]. I love this girl..I think it is because she is a bit ginger like me, creative and Jesusish.I love this time because I have been speaking french, doing excercise, overcoming my fear of art because I went to an art galery and liked it.But I have a long way to go before I dont get freaked out by instillation art etc. Help me please god.My time here has been like a little adventure.I got stung by a jelly fish and swam back to shore shouting "Jesus, please dont let me die" because I once heard a man speak who got stung by a jelly fish, died, went to heaven and came back..and so I thought everyone who gets stung by a jelly fish dies..it is not so as I am still alive. Other little adventures include cycling along the canal with a puncture, speaking interesting french to the french people such as asking children if they like tortoises etc.What else have I been thinking? I really really want to bless other people, I want to pray for people who are having shit in their lives and are broken hearted.Do it Lord. For too long I have often felt like a victim just because I get depressed and have mucked up in relationships and stuff like that.But I'm not a victim. I'm a strong woman and want to look out for other people.I've also been thinking that I care what other people think of me. But I wont go into that as it is too personal and I dont want people judjing me. There we go I am scared what people think.Those are my thoughts for this morning. Are they a bit odd or quite nomal? Love valxx